Disclaimer: This is one of many stories of how I met my wife, substituting real names for fictional ones from the Fire Emblem series. If you happen to know who I’m talking about, I ask that you respect these stories and keep any comments or names to yourself. Thanks!
Great! We liked each other; I was so confused and happy at the same time. Apparently, Lyn lied to me because she thought I was an irrelevant crush to her.
I remember the first time she called me. There were butterflies in my stomach as we moved our conversations from instant messaging to phone calls. Responsibly, our talks were always past 9pm as to not use up any precious minutes of our families’ phone plan. But, now what?
There’s a lot of variables to understand before you see the way we moved forward in this relationship:
Sunday school, the opportunity to teach about love and dating was too good to pass up, so the whole month of February was dedicated to teaching us high schoolers about it. The book our Sunday School teachers chose to teach out of was “I Kissed Dating Goodbye”, a book about taking an extremely conservative approach to dating and about guarding your heart. A book so extreme the author has since apologized for his mistakes. There are some good principles and takeaways, but it certainly made it feel like the first person you date should probably be the person you want to marry. A concept that makes sense, but not really practical. Lyn and I agreed that we didn’t want to just jump into a relationship. All too often did we see our classmates in school start dating and have things fall apart within a few months.
Early on, my mom told me that i shouldn’t date in high school because it’s probably a bad idea. Well, I think that’s what she meant to say, but instead what came out of her mouth was “you DO NOT love anybody, okay!?” (I’m not even joking). I once said something in passing, like “I love mama’s fried rice” and she exploded at me because she thought I said I “loved” a girl. In addition, my mom believed that boys and girls should not hang out in equal numbers, because then it would be considered a date (or multiple dates as once). To take it a step further, she used to tell me that it’s best if there are more guys than girls when I hang out. All this to say that my parents would not be supportive of this. So whatever happens, things needed to be low key and/or as much as possible, a secret.
Many of you know me to be an obedient person, but as much as I wanted to respect my parent’s wishes for me not to pursue anyone, it was hard. They had pretty much the same conversation with my younger sister, but she still found a boy she liked and aggressively and rebelliously dated him. On the other side of the spectrum, my parents so easily approved of my brother dating a non-Christian girl in college. Not a huge deal, but it was weird how easily that was approved or not denied by my parents. Everything aside, it just felt like they were being super hard on me but unfairly lenient to my siblings. It didn’t help that my sister felt the need to point out any sort of female interactions I had (with any girl, not just Lyn). It only further exacerbated my mom’s stance on how I am “NOT allowed to love anyone”.
With all of this, it was clear that we wanted and needed secrecy. I didn’t really talk about it with my friends in fear of any sort of judgement or opinions. My parents made it clear that there wouldn’t be an air of openness to this. After that month of learning about “dating”, church made it feel taboo. Yes, people would eventually catch on and word can travel fast, but we didn’t want to make a big deal out of it. It’s not like we were openly holding hands and sneaking away to be alone together, but I guess people noticed I stopped teasing her and instead was being nice to her. Anyway, I liked this girl and in my simple thinking and small world, she was quite the find. So, I wanted to pursue her correctly, whatever that meant.
So where did that leave us? After lots of discussion, prayer and thinking, we agreed to seek advice from the holiest fellowship counselor we knew. [Name omitted because he is so humble, he hates it when people refer to him as holy]
We told him everything and asked him “what do we do?”. He basically validated our thinking and agreed that we should not enter a relationship, but said that maybe with some time, this can become something. He concluded by praying a prayer of blessing over us; which included a sentence along the lines of “LORD, maybe You will make something happen for them in like 10 years from now.”
After that meeting with unnamed counselor, we agreed that we would not be boyfriend and girlfriend. Instead, we would continue being good friends that liked each other, chatting via instant messenger and phone calls after 9pm. It sounds like something written by Nickelodeon, but that’s what we rolled with.