It was another lazy Saturday afternoon at Stu’s house. Matt and I were over and the three of us were having a blast doing nothing together. Relevant Calvin and Hobbes comic.
At some point, we moved over to the piano to “jam” a bit. I say “jam” because we’re 12 or 13 in this story and our musical potential had not been unlocked yet. Stu still barely knew how to play the drums, I knew nothing outside of my classical music training and Matt hadn’t found his passion for jazz yet.
“Are you guys hungry?”, Stu asked.
Matt and I looked at each other before agreeing, “yeah, we could eat.”
“Okay cool, be right back”, Stu got up and left us as Matt and I continued experimenting on the piano.
Not too much time passed as Stu returned with a giant bowl of Mac and Cheese with cut up hot dogs and 3 spoons. It was one of those big bowls you would normally use to toss or serve salads in. And looking back at it now, Stu cooked that up really fast; is there a boy scout badge for speed cooking mac and cheese?
Anyway, we moved to the kitchen area and gathered around to eat his creation. After a few spoonfuls, Matt spoke up and said “It tastes like it’s missing something..” I thought maybe he meant a little salt and pepper, but he and Stu went into the fridge to see what we could add. Matt found a small container of gravy from KFC. “This! Let’s add this!” Matt exclaimed. Stu was hesitant about it. After a small Benny Hill chase sequence, Matt was finally able to pour the gravy into the mac and cheese. To Matt’s credit, it actually tasted pretty good. After a few more spoonfuls, Matt once again posed the question:
“What else can we add to this?”
And right here is where we should have stopped this nonsense. Instead, we went down an exponentially faster descent of adding things and then trying to save the integrity of the mac and cheese.
There were a handful of things we mixed into the mac and cheese at first that made it taste good. Forgive my memory as I can’t quite seem to remember them (it was so long ago). I think it was salt, pepper, ketchup, some hot sauce and I think eventually more cheese and more hotdogs. The part I remember vividly was when things took a weird turn.
Stu and I barely had a chance to stop Matt as he poured some into the bowl. It might have been fine if it was regular Cap’n Crunch, but it was actually the berry version. So now our mac was a weird savory mix, and from this point forward, it was gross.
In an attempt to bind the flavors together and mix savory with savory, Matt added a big spoonful of peanut butter. Good idea, but still gross.
It was around this point that Marty joined us. We filled him in with our current dilemma and he tried his best to help. He found a bottle of thousand island dressing in the fridge and poured some in. Still no good.
Finding a plate of soft boiled eggs I threw those into the mix. For a moment, we thought the mac and cheese was saved as Marty tasted it and let out a satisfying “mmmm”. It was then pointed out that he just had a spoonful of egg without the other elements. Not too long after, I had a brilliant idea:
“Soy sauce saves everything, right?”
The others applauded my idea as I poured in what looked like just the right amount. We each took another spoonful only to find that though it tasted better, it was still gross tasting.
We were just about to abandon it before Matt said “Wait! I think if we add more Cap’n Crunch it’ll taste good!”
Nope. Should have just stopped at gravy..